This was what Mr Seng said to me after my UN presentation last Saturday: "Shakirah, you sound like your mum when she's in a happy mood. It just gives me the shivers and chills..." Ok, what was that supposed to mean? I don't sound like my mum, I am my own self. But on the flip side, I'm her daughter, so that kind of evens it all out.

Peace out.

Mum and dad's coming home today! I'm so excited, and I could not really contain my excitement that I think I did scared Isyah a bit. But nevertheless, she understands the situation I'm in. So mehh..shoot me...

And by the way, did I mention that Yuan Han is beside me, she's freaking me out because she is doing her Math assignment. Since when did she ever do Maths in school? And she just said 'thanks', which sounds really retarded. Haha..She's mad, by the way. And oh, she said, "Are you crazy?" twice. And she also just said, "I can't take it. Stop it." Or whatever. Haha Yuan Han, you're just gonna have to live with me. :P She's a despo. She just said, "Oh god, please make me correct!", which is referring to the math problems. Very lame.

Can you sense that I'm bored to death? Yeah, cos I really am, and my fingers are just itching to type something. Which is why I am typing this, haha...

On another note, I'm really excited, but at the same time, scared for the presentation during this Saturday's UN seminar. I don't know whether I'll be able to answer all the questions posed, but hopefully, I can answer them, otherwise, I'll be AJ's Next Top Laughing Stock. And I really do hope Mr Seng (remember him?) is not attending the seminar, cos whenever he looks at me, it just makes my goosebumps sit up straight.

till then! Wish me luck ok?

Insecurity is an emotion of general unease or nervousness without obvious cause or purpose.

A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in future.

This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognising one's failings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.

Insecurity may cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviours such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, a principle enshrined in the phrase "all bullies are cowards." Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviours of adolescents.

Insecurity has many effects in a person's life. There are several levels of it. It nearly always causes some degree of isolation as a typically insecure person withdraws themselves to some extent. The greater the insecurity, the higher the degree of isolation. Insecurity is often rooted in a person during their childhood years. Like offense and bitterness, it grows in layer fashion, often becoming an immobilising force that sets a limiting factor in the person's life. Insecurity robs by degrees - the degree it is entrenched is the degree of power it has in the person's life.

As insecurity can be distressing and feel threatening to the psyche, insecurity can often be accompanied by a controlling personality type or avoidance, as psychological defence mechanisms.

Insecurity can be overcome. It takes time and patience and a willingness to believe each person (and specifically oneself) is in fact of innate value.

There's no need to be emotionally insecure. Just control yourself. All will be well.

By the way, everyone, I have changed my email address. In case you are wondering who is the maniac who just added you on msn, it's me.
For those of you who still don't get my drift, this is my new email:
elite.essaouira@hotmail.com

toodles!

I just wish that the cough would go away - soon. I wouldn't say that it's hurting me, but it's enough to make me really irritated. Firstly because I am irritating the people around me, and secondly because it's a dry cough, and I kind of think that it's wasting my energy, trying to cough something out that's dry. :)

Oh, and did I mention that I sat beside a woman, whom, let's just say that she's a bit off in her head. I wouldn't say that she's crazy, but she's just this woman who likes singing in the bus. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like I am against people who sing in the bus, but it's the way she sings the song (and I don't even know which jiwang song she's listening to). You know, it's like, she pretends she's on Singapore Idol or something, and the bench she's sitting on is her stage, with those earphones in her ear, and she wears like really weird clothes. It really freaks me out that people as unfortunate as her are still living on the planet. For the record, I'm an optimist-cum-idealist, in which I believe that the world's round and full of roses and everything works perfectly well according to what's meted out for them. :) So, anyhoos, back to the woman on the bus, she was singing this jiwang song, which according to some reliable resources, the song was sung by this group called 'Wings', or is it 'Dings'? And the funny thing was, instead of singing the song out loud, she was miming the words. Now, you may think, how the heck do I listen to what she's saying? The answer is very simple. The song was on full blast. I pity those eardrums. Somehow, I really think that someday, some brave soul would advocate a message saying that we should protect our eardrums. I get this cranky feeling that it's gonna be someone I know. Haha. Weird...

Now, I did mention the word 'Planet', right? Move your eyeballs up and spot the word. I was funnily reminded of my all-time favourite movie, Planet of the Apes. Yes, that movie where there's a whole bunch of apes, from the ancestors to the little apes who were just born. I really enjoyed that movie, cos for one reason, I am fascinated by apes. What a cute bunch of creatures, if I may say so myself. Did you remember the part when they had a feast on a long table? Where the grandfather ape was at the head of the table?

I made the biggest decision in my entire life today. I am participating in the Singapore Model United Nations, or what they call SIMUN. Nope, not that ANTM sort of model, but the type where you debate on stuff and things like that. Now, I shan't delve in deeper as to why I'm involved, or would like to get myself involved in this, but one thing is for sure: I am going to put in 100% commitment to this project. Wish me luck. :) P.S.: My parents do not know of this. If they did, I'm sure they're gonna freak out, but then again, they're always very supportive of my pursuits, haha.

On a sickly note, I've been rather sick these days. And the bad news is, one of my fellow friends is suffering from gastric flu, and from what I gather, it's contagious. Oh gosh. I don't need that now. Just don't come to me. It's said that it makes you miserable and your stomach churns and squeezes itself (I don't know how true it is, so whichever doctors reading this blog, enlighten me please). But the interesting thing is, the fellow friend isn't miserable, or so it seems. ^_^

I would like to extend my thank-you's to the following people/things/organs for helping me in various ways (although the reader would like to note that this isn't certainly my last post in a million years..):
1) Atikah. For helping me upload the perjumpaan raya pics on my photoalbum. I shall not make fun of you again, in more ways than one. But I cannot guarantee that I will stop irritating you, haha...
2) Isyah. For helping me collect my assignments when I'm on medical leave. I know your file is already so heavy and practically bursting at its seams, but you did good.
3) My nenek. For taking care of me when I was, and still am, sick. For cooking my food, and for keeping track of when to take the medicine. And oh, money for visits to the doctor.
4) My older sister. For helping me pay my 9 bucks library fines and going all the way to Jurong library just to pay the fines. But hey, you get to go out and shop, so that kind of evens it out.
5) My adidas sweater. For keeping me warm during those cold nights and cold mornings.
6) My brains. For functioning properly when it comes to Econs. I finally understood what Ms Quek was saying, as compared to me being clueless on exactly the same topic a year ago.
7) My feet and hands. For transporting me to school and letting me go up the bus without any hitches.
8) My handphone. For connecting me and my parents in Saudi Arabia. Thanks loads!
9) My watch. For being so beautifully gracious when I need it the most.
10) And finally to GOD! Thank you for giving me life and letting me live on this planet. Thank you for allowing me to do the things I want to do, and forbiding me to do things that would cause His displeasure. I am truly grateful for the fact that You gave me life and made me become a better person while my parents are away. Thank you very much! I love you!

And so, she's done. Stay cool, everyone. Till we meet again!

The dance on Wednesday was a success! I'm so proud of you girls, especially my partner, Ms Deebz Litterati! Even Elmizah said that the first performance we did was like a temasya (I have no idea what that means in English), where when we danced, the whole hall was looking at us! Woohoo! I knew the poppers were slick, and the 'kampung-cum-asmaradana' ladies were sweet. That's about it. I loved working out on stage, get the crowd movin', y'know?

About MLDDS enrolment for first intakers, I don't know. I'm hoping for the best, but I don't really know what's gonna happen.

I thought that Year 2 would actually reduce the number of projects we have to do, but it turns out to be the opposite. There's actually more projects to be done, given their very short datelines. Especially History, the UN part. It's kind of hard, when there's no lectures on this and we have to do our own research. It's like saying, "Your UN grades are as good as your research notes." Dang! I think I'm too dependent on the tutors. But hey, even they know that UN is such a broad topic that it's impossible to cover everything right down to its nitty-gritty details. Wth. Shoot me, somebody...

On a happier note,
"Ring the alarm, the club is jumpin' now, so GET UP!"

toodly-doo!

Free and noble nature? I wish everyone was like that. But wait, if everyone's like that, then the world would not be a fun place to live in. The spice needed is EVIL. And I'll be the evil Dr Boozorg! Mwahahahhahhh!!

What a lame entry. But I'm bored la..

I think technology and me don't go well hand-in-hand. Let me explain:
1) The photocopy machine in the school library had zonk out on me when I wanted to photocopy one inch full of Lit notes just now at exactly 1235h. It refused to do so yesterday, when I tried it for the 5th time that day. And what's making me furious is that my friend, tried to photocopy using that same machine, and there were no problems with that thing. But what's even funny was when I tried using the same card to photocopy some other notes a few days back, using the same photocopy card, and IT WORKED! So tell me, how can I not be furious?
2) The flashdrive can't be slotted in some 'crazy' computers. And let me tell you, I switched computers for dozens of times before finding the 'perfect' (not that it exists, of course) computer in which the flashdrive can be slotted in. And when the 'perfect' computer was a-okay, the keyboard wasn't working. So, I had to move around the lab like some crazy maniac. Looking for a computer that's WORKABLE. Whatever.
3) I couldn't get the the printer to print my stuff. And the damn printer wasn't connected to the computer (whichever I chose to use). So, same problem there. I went on a computer hunt to search for any working computer which is connected to the printer. It was madness.
4) That's all. Oh yeah, my handphone dropped in the sink and was in a coma for a few hours. But thank God for the house phone. But bless me for not keeping my phone numbers in my sim card. So, I was lost for a complete 5 hours. But it's fine now.

Man, I wish I was still back at home, in the luxury of everything within reach.

This lab is infested with the J1s. See? Ants?

I desperately need to get my life back on track. Sometimes, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to be, does it? I have to do a process of de-freezing my brain. Pronto.

To think that it's Sunday already. Ok, so what I'm gonna say next is cliche, but time really flies very fast! It's Sunday already peeps! SUNDAY! Which means it's Monday tomorrow, and then, I'll be in school, haha. For a full week. And it's gonna be week 1 tomorrow, because last week was week 0. What the crap. But anyhoos, I'm kind of scared of my Math tutor, because whenever she tries to be nice, she comes across as barking. Hoo-ha. She barks, dear people, she barks. And she's old, got no fashion sense, and slouches and stares at people absent-mindedly. Which brings me to my next point, how the heck do they choose teachers? Or rather, the ministry chooses teachers based on their qualifications? To think that teachers need to have excellent personalities, and they should be at least kind to their students and bark whenever they feel like it. One fine day, 0705 students are gonna lodge petitions, I'm tellin' ya.

My fingers are just itching to type, but somehow or other, the ideas doesn't come across, y'know? Let's 'discuss' about a general topic today.

People who sneeze on the public transport.

I'm sure that this is what most of us would be able to identify with. That's definite.

It just irks me when people sneeze on the bus and they do not use tissue papers to cover their mouths. Like eww...it kind of loses your appetite, cos that's what happened to me. I was eating on the bus (yeah, I flount rules), and there's this apek sitting beside me, as in the chair across the aisle. And he sneezed this terrible sneeze. It's disgusting, and you can practically see the mucus, you know, the yellow yellow stuff that looks like slime? The one that you can roll around and make a ball out of it (Not that I've ever done that before, o'course...)? Yeah, that one. And the apek wiped the mucus on his boxer shorts, and you can see the mucus stretching. Yes, I observe, people. Observe. Can use for GP essay, you know. Those general topics. Whatever.

And so, this cousin is buggin to use the computer. Toodly-doo!!!

Yesterday was the first day of school, and it wasn't all that exciting. Mainly because we had Econs lecture, in which the lecturer went through the Theory of Income Determination, and truth be told, was totally boring. Well, save for a few interesting bits like the history of the 3 schools of thoughts, which, the most interesting, if I were to say it frankly, would be the Keynesian Theory. Damn good it is. But, if I were to be positive, I'd say that yesterday went a-okay, the new PD tutor was rather soft, but she's nice. And she teaches me History. Woohooo!!! At least, I can proudly claim that my History teachers are not moving into the metrosexual direction! And for once, I have a female History teacher (we can leave Mrs NTUC-Fairprice-Plastic-Bag out, ok?), and not some metrosexual who uses Hugo Boss perfume, buys shirt from Brooks Brothers, wear Taghueur watches, wears business shoes from Aldo Brue perhaps, and wears black business pants. Yes, those were what my past History teachers wore, thank you very much.

I can't believe I'm already in Year 2. It's weird, when you are suddenly trying to love AJ to the core, and then, lo and behold, you're already preparing for your A's, which is in less than a year. Time really does flies very fast, and I think I'm still in Lala land. :) Somebody wake me up. Somebody! Anybody!

Did I mention that my Econs tutor is Ms Maggie Q? Yeay! She's nice...no doubt. She's damn sweet ah...^_^

Ok, that is so totally redundant. I feel that there is a need to comment on the new batch of JC1s, though it's hard to believe that we were once like that. Hah. On the first day back, I managed to catch a glimpse of some of them, and my gawd! They were so innocent-looking! And so fresh! I bet they are gonna be totally worn out when they start their curriculum time. Just like me. And they haven't experienced PE! AJ-style. Guaranteed to make some of them groan and come back home with bruises and blisters and aches. Hahah..I've gotten used to all of that, my friends. All of that. Now's the time for me to say: "Welcome to AJ! Non Mihi Solum!" which is why I'm sharing this with all of you guys out there. And yeah, I still know that the school song sounds a bit off in this age and era, but hey, I think that it's still better than the pop school song of IJ's! Anytime! No offense, you Innovians. :)

And with that, I make my graceful exit of the day. I've gotta peruse some important matters, like completing my powerpoint for tomorrow's UN presentation. India, Pakistan and the Yom Kippurians, here I come!